I'd leave it all behind to reach for more.

I am sitting on a bench in the heart of Auburn University. 

The breeze is only gently brushing my cheek. I am reading Psalm 23. Psalm 27. Psalm 34. Psalm 40.

I can't stop.

  I am happy. Life is chaotic all around me. I have so many unanswered questions about my own life and where it's heading. But I'm happy. I'm smiling. I'm so in love. My heart, once hard and bitter, is now soft and fleshy...beating loud and fully for those around me and the One who has rescued me.

I'm so in love with my Jesus. And He is so in love with me. He has become all I want. I want to know Him. I want to know His every thought. I want to love everyone I meet just as Jesus loves them. I want my Heavenly Father to look at me and see His reflection.

"You have said, "seek my face." My hearts says to you, "Your face, Lord, do I seek."- Psalm 27:8

I see so many people pass by as I sit on this bench. The way wisps of their hair blow into their face. The way their footsteps touch the ground. I wonder where they are going. I wonder who they are, what makes their face light up in joy and what makes them cry. I wonder how their day is going. I wonder what is on their mind. I desire them to sit beside me so I can look into their eyes, that they could see the joy within mine. I want them to smile for no reason. I want them to let go of the worries of the world. They are so small. So unimportant. God is so much bigger, don't they see?

This past week has been trying. So many stressful moments. So much confusion. Trying to undo my laziness in my schoolwork. Unsure where my life goes on from here. And speaking of the schoolwork and my career path...is this MY plan or His? This morning, my head was filled with anxiety about my future. My thoughts raced; I was on the verge of tears - I felt like I had been left alone in this big world to fend for myself, to cross my fingers and blindly hope I'm following God's plan.

But my God is so faithful. I call upon him and He answers. He really does. He showers me in peace and tranquility. He is unfailing. He never leaves my side. I am never alone. He holds my hand as I make decisions each day. I am never alone.

"I waited patiently for the Lord;

He inclined to me and heard my cry.

He drew me up from the pit of destruction,

out of the miry bog,

and set my feet upon a rock,

making my steps secure.

He put a new song in my mouth,

a song of praise to our God."

- Psalm 40:1-3

And here I am - bathing in His love. In this moment, I have no questions. I have no worries. I sit here. I soak up the blueness of the sky. The redness of the brick around me. The pinkness of the flowers in front of me. The whispers of the wind. The leaves rustling together as if in quiet conversation.The patches of warmness on my legs, where the sun reaches through the leaves above me. The smoothness and fragility of the pages of my Bible. 

"I will bless the Lord at all times;

His praise shall continually be in my mouth.

My soul makes its boast in the Lord;

let the humble hear and be glad.

Oh magnify the Lord with me,

and let us exalt His name together!"

- Psalm 34:1-4

He is everything I could ever want. He is the only think that brings me peace when I feel hopeless. He is the only one who understands my heart. He is the best listener. He is the best comforter. He is the best encourager. He calls me His daughter. He tells me I am beautiful in His eyes. I am precious to Him. He saved me from an eternal life in Hell. And I want to tell the world about it.

"I must perform my vows to you, Oh God.

I will render thank offerings to you.

For you have delivered my soul from death,

yes, my feet from falling,

that I may walk before God

in the light of life."

- Psalm 56:12-13

How can I ignore the One who has saved me? How can I deny His power? How can I be ashamed of that? How can I pretend He hasn't done what He's done? How can that not be in my mind every minute of the day? How can I not be on my knees in humility when I feel His presence? How can I ignore the love He has shown me? How can I fear the world when the Creator of the universe, my God, knows me by name and walks alongside of me everyday? How can I think I could know more than He? How can I not be in an overwhelming, infinite state of bewilderment when realizing the grace He has shown me?

I can't. It is not possible. I am made new. And I will never, ever be the same.

I'm glad I sat down on the cold, metal slats of this bench this morning.
I could sit and admire His world and His people all day.
Just sitting here knowing who He is.
Being overwhelmed with thankfulness for His mercy. That is enough for me.
Forever.



הרפו ודעו כי־אנכ'
אלהים ארום בגוים
ארום בארץ׃
"Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
- Psalm 46:10